The Tropical Paradise Alteration
by JBean210
Summary: An AU version of The Tropical Paradise Theory, by SRAM. This story will proceed in parallel with that one, with some alterations (of course, why else would I call it the Tropical Paradise Alteration)? If you're wondering why I'm doing this, I like the premise of SRAM's story and want to do my own take on it, while paying homage to his story.
1. Paradise in Jamaica

.

**The Tropical Paradise Alteration  
****By JBean210**

**Based upon "The Tropical Paradise Theory" by SRAM**

_Published 1/24/2015_

-=o=-

A/N: Okay, bear with me. I like the premise of SRAM's story "The Tropical Paradise Theory" and decided I would write an AAU (alternate alternate-universe) version of it, aka fan-fanfiction. The story lines will proceed more or less in parallel; only the details will change. At least at first.

-=o=-

**Chapter One  
****Paradise in Jamaica**

-=o=-

Leonard Hofstadter whistled softly to himself as he walked along the beach, making his way to the monitor shack to check equipment status and download the last 24 hours of data to his thumb drive for transmission back to the research teams at Oxford and Cal Tech.

June was coming to a close, and Leonard marveled at how quickly the past month had flown by. He had been here in Jamaica, staying at the Sunset Beach Resort for a month now, and the changes it had wrought in him, both physically and emotionally, had been tremendous. He was relaxed and tanned from laying in the sun after his few hours of work were completed each day; perhaps even a little bit buffed, he imagined, by his semi-regular trips to the weight room of the resort. He was no Schwarzenegger, of course, but he no longer felt quite so self-conscious leaving his tropical shirt unbuttoned when he went out in the morning. His legs, so pasty-white and thin a month ago, were now a much healthier shade of tan, and his calves and thighs had put on mass from his daily morning walk to and from his beachfront suite. He did have a vehicle, of course—an SUV supplied by the research grant, to use for driving to the monitor station and back—but he rarely used it for that purpose. The station was nearly inaccessible by road, anyway, and he would have had to walk almost as far after he'd driven the SUV to the end of the access road between resorts.

As he whistled, Leonard realized he was whistling the theme song to the original _Star Trek_ television show. He smiled, thinking of whistling that same tune at his favorite restaurant that night. Especially if Martha was there. It was Martha who usually waited on him when he ate there, which was pretty regular since they served good food there. He and Martha had developed something of a friendship during his time on the island, and she would sometimes sit and talk with him while he ate. He would innocently whistle that tune, to see if she recognized it. And of course, who wouldn't—almost _everyone_ knew Star Trek! Then he would ask her if she knew the words to the song. "There are words to that song?" he imagined Martha asking. "I never knew that!"

"Well, let's see if I can remember them," Leonard would say (of course he knew the words—he had memorized them many years ago):

_Beyond  
The rim of the star-light  
My love  
Is wand'ring in star-flight  
I know  
He'll find in star-clustered reaches  
Love,  
Strange love a star woman teaches.  
I know  
His journey ends never  
His star trek  
Will go on forever.  
But tell him  
While he wanders his starry sea  
Remember, remember me._

Leonard only hoped he could keep from tearing up as he recited these words. He brushed a bit of sand (yeah, that's what it was, Hofstadter!) from his eyes, smiling at the awed look on Martha's face at the depth of his Star Trek knowledge. And was there perhaps a hint of interest there as well? Leonard was still trying to work out just how interested Martha was in _him_. But he was getting closer and closer to her, he hoped. Perhaps before he returned to California he would work up the courage to ask her out.

There was an ironic smile on his lips as Leonard thought back two months, to the day he'd gotten the email offering this position to him. He had not been interested, not at all! The North Sea research mission had been—well, if not a nightmare, more like a very surreal dream. He had expected, as it was sponsored by the Great Man, Professor Stephen Hawking himself, that it would be very focused, very no-nonsense and highly research-driven. Instead, it had been a three-month long party, with everyone enjoying themselves tremendously and continuously.

Except for Leonard.

He'd tried. He'd _really_ tried, especially since there were some pretty hot-looking women scientists on the boat with him—both men and women were about equally represented among the research teams. But he'd felt awkward, out of place—it felt like he couldn't completely relax among people he didn't really know, not like he knew Raj, Howard, and Sheldon. Not that any of them were much in the way of ladies' men. Well, Howard _imagined_ he was, and Raj sometimes as well, when he had some alcohol in him. Sheldon, of course, was just—Sheldon. An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in—crazy.

One thing that had helped Leonard decide to take this assignment had been Sheldon himself. Sheldon had undergone something of a "crisis of faith" in his life right around the time Leonard had been offered the chance to go to Jamaica. Some new developments in dark matter research, coupled with absolutely _nothing_ going on in string theory, had shaken Sheldon's long-term plans to confirm string theory and win the Nobel Prize in physics. He had tried to switch his field of research, only to have the university reject his proposal. Like a petulant child, Sheldon had run away. Well, as far as the train station. But when he, Howard and Raj went to get him, Sheldon declared that he was leaving on a train and didn't know when he'd be back. In just about everyone's estimation, this confirmed the theory that Sheldon was bat-shit crazy.

But he'd done it, Leonard had to admit. Sheldon actually got on a train and left California. He checked in from time to time with them, though his whereabouts remained mostly a mystery. He'd been gone for six weeks now, and no one had yet called for them to come and claim his body, so he must be doing okay, Leonard and his friends had reasoned.

It had made Leonard realize something as well. If _Sheldon Cooper_ could leave his comfort zone, could go out into the world to do some traveling and find himself, or whatever the heck he was doing out there, then Leonard Hofstadter could stretch himself a bit as well. On top of that, he'd gotten a personal phone call from Stephen Hawking himself, asking Leonard to consider taking the assignment, that Professor Hawking wanted someone as dedicated and conscientious as Leonard had proven to be monitoring his data. Well, after that it was easy-peasy.

Leonard stopped for a moment as he came to the small peninsula where the monitor station was located, out at the far end. Up the beach a short distance was a private resort, one that catered to the wealthy and powerful. Sunset Beach was a great resort, but he wondered just what went on in the private ones, where supermodels and movie stars no doubt luxuriated in hot tubs and sat down to eat seven-course banquets every day. He searched the patios and balconies for any signs of occupancy—normally there was no one and nothing to see.

Except for this morning. He could just make out two people, both women, standing on a spacious-looking balcony at the top of the building. They seemed to be looking out over the beach—it was hard for Leonard to tell, they were far enough away and his vision, even with his glasses on, wasn't the greatest.

Well, if they were looking at him, Leonard reasoned, he wouldn't disappoint them. He turned and began walking down the peninsula to the monitor station. Would the women still be there when he returned in a few minutes? He smiled at the thought, then admonished himself: Better concentrate on Martha, not two faceless women he would probably never have a chance to _meet_, much less get to know and perhaps have something deeper happen with one of them.

-=o=-

Penelope slowly opened her eyes, trying to keep the morning light from blinding her as she struggled to wake up. The bed wasn't familiar, and for a moment she looked around, disoriented, until she remembered where she was. This was the beginning of a much-needed vacation, a respite from the fast pace of movie-making and promotional talk-show interviews and dealing with the paparazzi. And, not dealing with Steven.

Steven had been the last major relationship in her life; failed, of course, because between the two of them their acting assignments had left little time to be together, and because Steven couldn't help being a jerk when he wasn't getting sex regularly from her. So she'd heard the stories and seen the photos of him with various other girls—Beyonce, Taylor, and a few actress-wannabees who thought hooking up with someone like him would propel them into the limelight of Hollywood. More often than not it had propelled them into nothing more than the _Enquirer_.

Finally, eight months ago, she had confronted him about it. Steven had tried to laugh off the infidelities as something that "just happens" when you're in Hollywood. "Not with me it doesn't 'just happen,'" she told him, and ended it then and there. It had been a hard breakup—the scandal rags splashed it across their front pages, with awful and mostly untrue details—but she'd gotten through it with the help of her friends and the picture she started shooting a few weeks later. Now that her new movie was in the can, she could afford to take a month or two off, relax, and just spend time with her friends. No men, and no complications.

She pushed the covers off herself, then heaved her legs over the edge of the bed and onto the floor, stopping for a moment to let the fogginess drain out of her head. The trip from LAX to Jamaica had been spent chatting and gossiping with Katie, Bernadette and Amy—her entourage (as the paparazzi called them) and her friends (as she called them). In the airport in Jamaica, they'd had porters gather their luggage and put it in a taxi, then they all piled into a limo for the trip down to the private resort her agent had booked for them. The limo's bar had been well-stocked, and even in the relatively short drive down to Montego Bay she had consumed a couple of stiff drinks and a wine cooler.

Once in their suite of rooms, they had really cut loose, laughing and running from room to room trying to decide who would sleep where. Penelope, of course, took the biggest room; rank did have its privileges! Katie took the one adjacent to hers, and Bernadette and Amy got the last two on the opposite end of the suite. Then they broke out the wine and sat around planning what they would and wouldn't do while they were on vacation. It was well into the wee hours of the morning before Katie half-carried her friend to her room and poured her into bed, not even bothering to take her sandals off.

Standing with a groan, she went into her private bathroom (nice!), tossed off her clothes, and stepped into the shower. She let the warm water pour over her, waking her and making her fully conscious once again. Drying off afterwards, she opened up one of her suitcases and found a top and shorts that looked good together, then padded softly into the living room area and went out on the suite's spacious patio to see what the view looked like.

It was fabulous. They were on the top floor of the suite and the view of the bay was fantastic. The temperature was warm, even this early in the morning (it couldn't be much past nine a.m.—almost the middle of the night, in her estimation!) and the was a light breeze coming in from the water. There was only one thing she really needed now—

"Coffee, Penny?" Her friends called her Penny, of course. Penelope was her starlet persona, bigger than life and twice as sassy. It was always a relief to turn off that part of her when she was out of the public eye. She turned, finding her best and oldest friend Katie holding out a cup of coffee toward her.

"You read my mind," Penny said, gratefully taking the cup and sipping from it. It was just how she liked it—hot but not scalding, with a bit of creamer and just enough sweetener to take the edge off the coffee's bitterness. "What are you doing up so early?" she asked, taking another sip.

"I was about to ask why you were up so late?" Katie grinned, sipping from her own cup. "But I guess I already know."

Penny shrugged. "Sue me—I'm on vacation, I'm going to drink a little."

"I've got no problem with that," Katie agreed. "Just remember, though, you're here to enjoy yourself, not drink yourself into a coma every night."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Yes, Mom," she said, only half-sarcastically. Penny and Katie had been friends since grade school, back in Nebraska. It was Katie who'd persuaded Penny to leave her small-town existence behind, to follow her dream and head for California to become a star. She'd even followed Penny herself a few years later, coming to the Golden State to make her own bid for stardom. She'd succeeded, too, but only modestly; her roles had made her well-known in Hollywood but hadn't propelled her into stardom like Penny.

"Which reminds me," Katie said, interrupting Penny's reverie. "Did you call your mom last night and let her know we made it here?"

"Not yet," Penny sighed. "I better, though—she worries if I don't text her at least once a week." She took out her phone and began composing a message to her mother: FLEW INTO JAMAICA LAST NIGHT. HAD A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP. KATIE SAYS HELLO AND SENDS HER LOVE. ME TOO! XOXOX. She pushed send and her phone beeped as the text went off on its way to the heartlands of America.

"Ooh, check it out," Katie said as Penny was putting her phone away. "Stud muffin alert." She nodded toward a lone figure walking along the beach to the north of them, a guy in shirt and shorts.

"Mm," Penny nodded, not really paying attention; Katie was always pointing out guys for her to ogle, now that she was single again. This one wasn't even close enough to make out much detail about him; he had black hair, Penny could see, and appeared to be wearing sunglasses, though it was hard to tell at this distance.

"What do you think?" Katie asked, nudging her with an elbow.

"About what, a guy walking along a beach?" Penny asked, amused. "I think it's too bad he doesn't have someone with him. Or a dog or something."

"Oh, come on," Katie pouted. "It's okay to look, you know. It's not like you're going to run down there and hook up with him."

"Oh, it's _so_ not like that," Penny agreed, sipping her coffee again. At that moment the figure on the beach stopped and looked around. _What was he looking for_? Penny wondered, watching him. Then his gaze seemed to settle on her, lingering for a long moment as he stood stock-still, staring in their direction. It seemed like he had seen them and was trying to get their attention. For a moment Penelope took over; she started to raise her hand, to wave at him, one of her many fans.

Then the figure turned and began walking up a small peninsula toward a small building at its far end, and Penny let her hand drop. So he hadn't been admiring her from afar. Well, that was probably for the best, Penny decided. She wasn't here to find a man, she was here to rest and recuperate with her friends after eight months of movie-making. "Come on," she said to Katie. "Let's get some breakfast." The two best friends walked back into their suite to check on how hungry the other two women were.

-=o=-

The balcony was empty when Leonard returned to the beach from the monitor station. It was no big deal, he told himself; he was being silly thinking the women might be there when he came back, watching just for him. Making his way back to his resort, he transferred the sensor data from the station to his research teams, then spent the rest of the morning making his daily reports and intermittently checking Facebook status on Howard and Raj. Neither of them had anything particularly juicy on their pages (other than Howard's description of a brisket his mom had made the night before—Howard had described it as a personal best for her). At least that was more than Sheldon had on his; since he'd left California he hadn't bothered with Facebook updates, or Twitter, Instagram or Google+, for that matter. There was only an occasional email these days, informing them he was still traveling and didn't know when he would return.

The phone suddenly rang. Leonard stared at it in surprise—it had hardly rang since he'd gotten here. The caller ID said it was an Arizona phone number. He picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hello, Leonard." It was Sheldon. Leonard smiled, surprised but pleased he'd finally called.

"Hey, buddy, it's good to hear your voice," he said happily.

"Leonard," Sheldon said, "I'm in Kingman, Arizona. I need you to come pick me up."

_What now_? "Um, that's going to be a little hard for me, Sheldon. I'm in Jamaica."

"Leonard, I'm at the police station," Sheldon continued as if he hadn't heard what Leonard said. "I was robbed! They took my wallet, my iPad, everything!"

"Oh no," Leonard groaned. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm _not_ okay!" Sheldon exclaimed. "I'm-I'm wearing borrowed pants, I don't have ID, and—" his voice dropped in volume "—one of the officers here won't stop calling me 'chicken legs!'"

Leonard smiled in spite of his friend's predicament. "Okay, look," he said, patiently. "I can't come get you, but—"

"Why can't you come?" Sheldon demanded. "It's only a six-hour drive from Pasadena to Kingman—I had one of the officers here look it up."

"Sheldon, I told you, I'm not in Pasadena. I'm in Jamaica right now."

"What are you doing in Jamaica, Vermont?" Sheldon asked. "I was in Vermont a week ago, by the way—if I'd known you were going to be there I'd have waited for you."

"Not _that_ Jamaica," Leonard said. "I'm in Jamaica, the country—you know, for that research assignment Professor Hawking wanted me to go on."

"I thought you weren't going to take that," Sheldon said, beginning to sound agitated. "Oh, this is a disaster! I've been robbed, I have no money, I don't even have my own pair of _pants_—how am I going to get home?!"

"Don't worry, buddy," Leonard assured him. "I'm on it. Just give me your address there and I'll have someone come get you." Leonard wrote down the address of the police station in Kingman, assuring Sheldon someone would be there as soon as possible, then hung up and called Howard.

"Ya-hello," Howard said. "Hey, Leonard, how're things going in Bootylicious-Land?"

"Just fine, Howard, but we've got a problem."

"What's up?"

"Sheldon just called me from Arizona. He's been robbed and he's at the police station there. I said I'd find someone to come get him."

"Oh, and you immediately thought of me," Howard snorted. "Thanks, pal. When you get back I'll return the favor and schedule a colonoscopy for you."

"Come on, Howard. Sheldon doesn't have anyone else to turn to."

"All right," Howard said, reluctantly. "I'll go get him. But you owe me. What's the address?"

Leonard gave him the pertinent information, then added, "You might want to go over to our apartment and get him a pair of pants to wear home. And he's got a spare phone in his desk. And I'm pretty sure he'll want his toothbrush."

"You're joking," Howard said disbelievingly.

"No, I'm not," Leonard said, "and it's really depressing I know that much about Sheldon in the first place."

"Okay, I'm on my way," Howard said. "Maybe I'll bring Raj along, too. That way I can spread the hell around a little." He hung up and Leonard clicked his phone off. Well, that sounded like the end of Sheldon Cooper's Fun with Trains Travelogue. He could hardly wait for the episodes to come out on YouTube. Smiling, Leonard went back to his daily reports thinking, tonight he'd have something else interesting to talk about with Martha. She'd already heard a _lot_ about Sheldon in the past month.

-=o=-

"So what should we all do tonight?" Bernadette asked when they returned to their suite after a poolside brunch.

"I suppose taking in a movie is off the table," Amy said, looking at Penny. "Although you _are_ playing at the Palace Multiplex tonight."

"Seen it," Penny said, smiling. Amy had been the last person to join their group, having been a colleague of Bernadette's since the two of them had collaborated on a few papers involving both micro- and neurobiology. At first, Amy had been something of a wet blanket, but she, Katie and Bernadette had managed to loosen her up some.

Maybe _too_ loose, Penny added to herself. Amy had something of a "crush" on Penny, if it could be called that. It was an odd mixture of admiration and sexual attraction, which was strange considering Amy told everyone she was straight.

"It couldn't hurt seeing it again," Amy continued, giving Penny a disarming and slightly creepy smile. "We all know how good you were in that picture."

"True, I was fabulous," Penny agreed, joking.

"Well, I vote for dinner and some clubbing," Bernadette put in. Both Katie and Penny looked at her, surprised. Bernadette was the brainiac of the group—she had taken a lot of courses in college besides the ones for her biology degree; she practically had another major in physics, and had told them that for a while, she had seriously considered going into physics rather than biology. She and Penny had known each other since their days at the Cheesecake Factory together, and they'd kept in touch after Penny had gotten her big break. "Don't look so surprised," Bernadette told them. "I mean, what are we here for if not to have a good time?"  
"You're right," Katie agreed. "It sounds like a plan, then. I'll find us a nice restaurant and check out the night clubs in town." She went over to the laptop computer the resort's concierge had set up for them and began surfing the web.

A few minutes later she turned to face the group again. Penny, Bernadette and Amy had been trying to decide what to do that afternoon before dinner. As if there were any doubt, Katie added to herself. "I found a place not far from here," she said. "It's got a pretty good rating on the food and service. From there we can head into Montego Bay and check out the clubbing scene."

Penny nodded. "And we all know what we're doing this afternoon?" She paused expectantly.

"Shopping for shoes!" Amy, Bernadette and Katie all shouted at once.

"Damn right!" Penny agreed. It was practically a tradition for her to buy a new pair of shoes in every city she visited, whether for work or play. Katie got on the phone to the driving service, ordering a car to take them to the nearest shopping center. A full-size one, she decided, anticipating hauling a lot of merchandise back to the resort by the time they were done.

-=o=-

After an afternoon of sunbathing, drinking tall glasses of tea and surreptitiously surveilling the women sunbathers around him, Leonard retired to his room to shower and head out for dinner. He put on another tropical shirt and a pair of white shorts like the ones he'd been wearing that morning, then slipped into his sandals and drove the SUV over to Martha's restaurant.

The hostess smiled as he entered. "Welcome back!" she beamed happily at him. Leonard had been coming here so regularly that most of the staff treated him like an old friend. And he did tip well, he reminded himself.

"Hi, Angela," he greeted her in return. Seeing Martha behind the bar, he asked, "Is it okay if I sit at the bar tonight?"

Angela glanced toward Martha. "Of course," she said, leading him over. "Here you are," she said, placing a menu in front of him and returning to her station.

"Hey, Leonard," Martha said, coming over to take his drink order. "Long time no see," she joked.

"Yeah, almost a whole day," Leonard said, joking right back at her.

"Having your usual drink tonight?" she asked. Leonard normally had iced tea with his meals.

"Maybe not." He sat back, thinking about what else he could try. "Maybe something with a kick to it," he suggested. "But not—not too big a kick. I have to drive back to my room afterwards."

Martha laughed. "I suppose a Flaming Bob Marley is out," she guessed.

"Probably so," he agreed. "I'm not even sure who Bob Marley _is_."

"Oh dear, Leonard," Martha shook her head. "Do you live under a rock up there in America?"

"Well, it's a _comfortable_ rock," Leonard joked.

"How about an Appleton Spiced Iced Tea?" she suggested. "Since you're an iced tea drinker?"

"Alright," Leonard nodded. "And I think I'll have some jerk chicken tonight, with rice and plantain."

"Ah, going native, eh?" Martha kidded him. Normally Leonard had a hamburger or some grilled fish, nothing out of the ordinary.

Leonard shrugged. "Just getting out of the box a little," he said. "You never know when doing something unexpected will help you get, um, lucky." Which was about as risqué a statement he'd ever made to her.

Martha smiled at him. "You never know," she agreed. "I'll put the order up for you," she said, setting his spiced iced tea in front of him and bringing his ticket over to the kitchen window. Leonard took a sip of his tea, finding it smooth yet with a bit of a kick that regular iced tea didn't have. Martha had chosen well for him.

There was a small commotion at the front of the restaurant as a group of people entered, laughing and talking. Leonard glanced toward the front but the entrance was out of his direct line of sight. He turned back to the bar and took a another sip of his tea, enjoying its spiciness.

The party, or whatever it was, was moving his way. This time Leonard didn't turn around. He could tell where they were just by hearing them talking. The hostess sat them at a table in the center of the room. They were discussing some kind of shopping expedition they'd been on that day; nothing of interest to Leonard. He took out his phone and started his Kindle app, bringing up Brian Greene's book on parallel universes to read.

"I don't know about you," Katie was saying to Penny. "But I worked up quite an appetite shopping."

"You hardly bought a thing," Penny pointed out, a little disappointed her friend hadn't enjoyed herself shopping. For Penny buying shoes was like entering Nirvana. She had three new exquisite pairs now, one pair of which were on her feet now.

"I was enjoying myself vicariously through you," Katie said. "You really get your Inner Shopper going when you're buying shoes."

"I'll say," Bernadette chimed in. "I thought she was going to have an orgasm when she picked up that last pair!"

"That's humorous," Amy chuckled. When the others looked at her, she added, "Because, you know, most of the time ordinary objects such as shoes don't induce such an intense reaction in the female nervous system."

"You mean, compared to something like—an electric toothbrush?" Bernadette teased her.

Amy's face went blank. She leaned closer to Bernadette. "You promised you wouldn't say anything about that!" she hissed.

"About what?" Katie asked, interested. It was always fun making Amy a little uncomfortable.

"About her toothbrush," Bernadette said, a wicked smile on her face. "His name's Gerard."

Kathy and Penny looked at each other. "Why would you name your toothbrush Gerard?" Penny asked.

"Um," Amy muttered. "Well—er…"

"She uses it for stress release," Bernadette supplied, still smiling.

"How is brushing your teeth going to relieve stress—oh," Katie suddenly saw what Bernadette was driving at. Amy had gone red-faced. "Well," Katie went on. "That's certainly a—_creative_—use for an electric toothbrush."

"I can't believe you would say something like that," Amy pouted, crossing her arms and turning away from Bernadette.

"Oh come on," Bernadette chided her. "You love that toothbrush and you know it. Didn't you tell me that every woman should have one just like it, for—stress relief?"

"Yes," Amy admitted. "But I would have preferred to introduce Gerard to my friends in my own time."

Penny smiled, tuning out the conversation between Bernadette and Amy. They always had good-natured spats over inconsequential things. She glanced around the room, which was still relatively empty—there was only one other person in this part of the restaurant, a lone guy sitting at the bar, his back to them.

As she stared at him, she realized the guy was wearing the same clothes she'd seen that morning, on the guy walking along the beach: a gaudy tropical shirt, white pants, and sandals. Quite a coincidence, she thought.

At that moment the guy's barstool turned and his face came into view. He was staring intently at his phone, as if he was reading something very important. Suddenly he shut off the phone and looked up.

Into Penny's eyes.

It _was_ the guy from the beach. Penny could see his features much more clearly now, and they were identical to what she'd seen before from a distance: dark hair and glasses, though he wasn't wearing sunglasses now, just regular ones (and kind of dorky-looking black horned-rims at that). His eyebrows were full and expressive; they made him look kind of sad, she thought.

Sipping on his iced tea and reading Brian Greene, Leonard suddenly felt his bladder was a bit full. It was an inconvenient moment—but then, when was it _ever_ convenient to go to the bathroom? Still reading, he spun his barstool around, finished the paragraph he was on, then put his phone to sleep and looked up.

In front of him was a beautiful blonde, staring directly at him. Leonard was mesmerized by her, forgetting even that he could rarely meet a woman's gaze and hold it until he knew them well.

Everything went into slow motion. Leonard was getting to his feet, sliding his phone into his shorts pocket. Except that he missed and the phone fell to the floor. He bent over to pick it up and his charge card fell out of his shirt pocket. He stood up, realized it had fallen out, then bent over again. When he stood again the blonde was smiling at him.

Was she _laughing_ at him? Leonard winced, then made a beeline for the men's room, wondering if there was a window in there he could climb out of.

Katie, who'd been enjoying the repartee between Amy and Bernadette, noticed the guy at the bar staring at them, and his abrupt departure to the men's room. She glanced over at Penny, who at that moment looked down at the table, a solemn expression on her face. What had she missed?

She nudged Penny's arm. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh." Penny looked at her like she'd just awakened from a trance. "Sure. Yeah. Everything's fine. Why do you ask?" Penny wanted to know.

"You were staring at that guy," Katie nodded toward the men's room.

"What guy?" Penny asked blandly, trying to cover her tracks.

"The guy that was at the bar," Katie said, flatly. "What happened?"

"Who said anything happened?" Penny blurted. "I happened to look up as the guy walked out of the room. That's it."

"If you say so," Katie said, skeptically.

"I do say so," Penny insisted. "Nuuuthing happened, okay? Case closed."

"Okay," Katie shrugged, by now resolving to herself to get to the bottom of this mystery.

-=o=-

**A/N: That's the first chapter. As I read other chapters of SRAM's story I will add my version to this one, to see how it develops in contrast to his. **


	2. The Introduction

.

**Chapter Two**

**The Introduction**

First updated 1/31/2015

-=o=-

**A/N: I'm following SRAM's premise that Penny stayed with Bernadette after moving out of Kurt's apartment (note that in the pilot episode Penny said she'd been living with Kurt for four years, not one). She got her big break while living with Bernadette, so she never moved into apartment 4B at 2311 North Los Robles. Therefore, Leonard, Sheldon, Howard and Raj were never influenced by her presence. Therefore, their social maturity level at this point is probably close to what we saw during seasons 1 and 2 of the show. That's why Leonard is going to be a bit more nerdy at the beginning of this story than he was in SRAM's original** **tale.**

-=o=-

The waiter came and took drink orders: Katie ordered a tall glass of virgin Long Island Tea, Amy a glass of chardonnay. Bernadette and Penny both decided on sauvignon blanc. "Would you like to order your meal now?" the waiter asked.

"Give us a few minutes," Katie said, and the waiter nodded and left the table. Everyone opened their menus and began checking out the items on it. Katie idly rubbed her hands together, wondering what she could do to figure out the mystery of what was going on between Penny and the guy she'd been staring at. Well, he was in the men's restroom right now, so…

"I need to go wash my hands," Katie announced, standing. "I'll be right back."

Penny looked up from her menu. "Want me to go with you?"

Katie smiled. "I think I can find the restroom on my own, sweetie," she said.

"I think I need to pee," Bernadette said, starting to get up as well.

"Hold it," Katie said, pointing a finger sharply at her. Bernadette froze, unsure what Katie was doing. "Before you go pee you better figure out what you're having for dinner."

"Well what about you?" Bernadette wanted to know. "Shouldn't you do that as well?"

"I already know what I'm going to order," Katie said, walking away from the table.

Bernadette made a face but sat down again and picked up her menu. "Boy, what a slave driver," she muttered.

"It is a good idea to limit your restroom accessibility," Amy, sitting next to her, spoke up. "Statistically, women spend almost as much time in the ladies' room as they do eating their meal."

"Where did you read _that_?" Bernadette wanted to know.

"In _Cosmopolitan_," Amy answered. "It was on a 'Know Your Restaurant Trivia' quiz. I scored 92," she added parenthetically.

"Great," Bernadette said, shifting a bit to try and make her bladder not feel so full. "If you score 100 next time maybe Katie will let _you_ go to the bathroom when you have to!"

The rest rooms were down a short hallway with a T-intersection at the end. The men's room was on the right, ladies on the left. Katie looked around, making sure no one followed her, then pushed open the men's room door and stepped inside.

The guy was standing at one of the urinals, peeing. The smell in the room was a bit pungent; it was overdue for a cleaning. "Ew," she muttered , waving at the air in front of her nose.

Leonard glanced toward her, then reacted, startled as he realized there was a woman in the _men's_ restroom. He glanced down, making sure she couldn't see anything, then looked back at her. "Um," he said hesitantly. "Ex-excuse me, I—er—I think this is the men's rest room."

Katie grinned. "Are you sure?" she asked him.

"Um," Leonard said, confused for a moment. He pointed to the urinal on the wall next to him. "Pretty sure," he said.

"That's okay," Katie went on. "I'm not here to use the facilities—I wanted to ask you a question?"

"Me?" Leonard couldn't imagine a question that couldn't have waited 15 seconds for him to finish his business. "What—what kind of question?"

"Do you know that girl?"

"What—er, what girl?" Leonard hedged.

"The blonde," Katie said, getting impatient. "I saw you looking at her when you got up from the bar." That was a guess, but given Penny's reaction as the guy left the room, she figured it was a good one.

"Um," Leonard said again. "Hang on a second." He zipped up his shorts, hit the flush handle on the urinal, and turned to face her. "What's this about?" he asked.

"What's your name?" Katie asked him.

"My name?" _Why did she want his name_? "Um, it's Leonard. Hi," he added, stepping toward her and offering his hand.

Katie took a step back and put up her hands. "I'll take a rain check on the handshake." Leonard pulled his hand back, embarrassed.

_Not the sharpest knife in the drawer_, she thought, _but he's kind of cute and he seems nice. He's certainly modest, considering how some guys would react to a woman walking into the men's room_! "I'm Katie, by the way," she said.

"Hi, I'm Leonard," Leonard repeated, automatically starting to offer his hand again then realizing that _still_ wasn't going to work and pulling it back. "Sorry. Um, what was your question again?"

"Did recognize that girl who was looking at you?" Katie repeated. "Is that why you were staring at her?"

"No, no," Leonard told her. "I didn't recognize her—I have no idea who she is. And I wasn't staring at her, per se. I-I just saw her looking at me."

"Interesting," Katie said, mulling over an idea that had just popped into her head. _This could be fun_, she thought deviously. "Would you like to meet her?"

Leonard's expression went completely blank for several seconds. "Er, what?" he asked, not sure he'd heard correctly. "Did—did you just ask if I wanted to _meet_ her?"

"Sure," Katie said, smiling. "In fact, there's room at our table for another person—why don't you join us?"

"Er," Leonard said, not believing this was happening. He looked around to make sure there were no other guys in the room. Nope, nobody here but us chickens. "Um, sure," he nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. "That—that would be, um, very nice." It would be freaking _awesome_, actually, but Leonard decided to play it cool.

"Great," Katie said. "Give me a second to get back to the table, then come out and join us at the table." She turned toward the door.

"Hold on a second," Leonard said quickly. When Katie looked back at him, he asked, "You just asked me if I recognized her. That sort of implies that I _should_ recognize her. So, um—just who _is_ she?"

Katie smiled broadly. "I guess you'll just have to come over, introduce yourself, and find out," she said, then disappeared through the restroom door.

Leonard didn't move for several seconds, still trying to process what had just happened. A woman had followed him into the restroom, spoken to him while he was peeing, and asked him to join a table with her and three other woman—all of whom, Leonard now remembered noticing before he'd ducked into the men's room, were quite attractive.

Could this be a trick? he wondered. Would they invite him to their table and then mock and insult him for being a nerd? It wouldn't be the first time a woman had pretended to be nice to him only to use him for her own purposes. Joyce Kim had slept with him for almost a month before Homeland Security discovered she was a North Korean spy. She defected back to North Korea before they could catch her—and before Leonard had revealed any secrets to her, fortunately. Not that he _would_ have, he reminded himself, but just the same…

Leslie Winkle, one of his coworkers in the experimental labs, had seduced him one night after a string quartet practice. Leonard had thought she wanted a relationship but all she'd wanted was some stress relief. They'd dated again but when Leonard chose string theory over loop quantum gravity she summarily dumped him.

Then there was Alicia, who moved into apartment 5A. She had been nice to him, Howard and Raj just so they would help her set up her electronics in her apartment, but she never had time to go out with any of them. After she landed a role on _CSI_ and cozied up to one of the producers, Alicia had moved out without so much as a "goodbye."

His longest relationship had been with Doctor Stephanie Barnett, whom he'd met when Howard brought her to the Mars Rover lab, telling her she could drive a car on Mars. As it turned out she had no interest in dating Howard, but she found Leonard interesting, and they became a couple for a while, until Leonard realized she had moved into his room and was living with him. When he tried to back that off a bit, she'd responded at first with sex to distract him, and when Leonard finally persuaded her to move out, she stopped calling him altogether. Leonard never figured out what happened.

"What am I doing?" Leonard suddenly muttered, then went over to the sink to wash his hands. After he finished he checked to see how he looked in the mirror over the sink. He leaned forward, examining himself more closely, not noticing the bathroom door open and a guy walk in. He had a few days' growth of beard, but that was supposed to be sexy—at least someone had told him it was. "If four beautiful women want me to sit at their table, _who cares_ if they're just having a little fun?" he said to himself. The other guy, who'd stepped over to use one of the urinals, looked back to stare at him. "Besides," Leonard went on to himself, "_I _can have a little fun too, can't I? Sure, why not?"

He straightened up, adjusting his shirt, and turned leave the restroom. Seeing the other guy there, he reddened, then said, "Just—um, thinking out loud. You know how it is." When the guy just stared at him. Leonard shrugged. "Well, maybe you don't," he muttered, and beat a hasty retreat. He stopped in the hallway, realizing he was breathing heavily but getting hardly any oxygen, got out his asthma inhaler and took two quick hits from it. Taking deep, steady breaths for a half-minute, he began to feel better. _Okay, time to go meet these women_, he told himself, walking out of the hallway toward the dining area.

-=o=-

Back at their table, Katie seated herself and put her hands in her lap so no one would notice she hadn't washed them. She noticed their drinks had been brought out so she risked a sip of her virgin Long Island Tea.

Bernadette was giving her a peeved look. "Is it okay if _I_ go pee now?" she asked, sarcastically. "Or should I stay here until the waiter comes back to take our order?"

"Do whatever you want," Katie said, shrugging. "But you might want to wait a minute or so before you go."

"What for?" Bernadette demanded. "My back teeth are beginning to float!"

"Perhaps some kegeling exercises would help—" Amy began.

"Oh, be quiet!" Bernadette snapped. "I'm going!"

"You might want to wait until you get to the bathroom to go," Amy suggested, completely serious. Bernadette glared at her and started to stand up.

But at that moment Leonard walked up to their table, stopping at the empty chair between Penny and Bernadette. Bernadette dropped back into her chair, wondering what was going on. "Excuse me," Leonard said, looking at Katie. "Is it alright if I— I mean, you asked me to—er, is it okay if I join you?"

"Join us?" Some devil made Katie want to tease this guy a bit. "Why would I ask you to join us?"

"Ummm—" Leonard wasn't sure what was going on now. "To meet—I mean, I don't know _why_ you asked me, per se, but you did, just a minute ago in the—" He pointed toward the men's room.

"I did?" Katie said, feigning ignorance. "I wonder what I was thinking?"

"Er, well—" Leonard shook his head helplessly. "I don't know either, I guess." She must have changed her mind. "Sorry to bother you—"

"Hold on," Katie said, chuckling. "Sorry, I'm just giving you a hard time, Leonard. Would you like to join us?"

"Join us?" Bernadette and Amy said, interested.

"Join us?" Penny said, alarmed.

"Yes, join us," Katie confirmed. "I saw him sitting alone at the bar—" she glanced at Penny, who was giving her a look of undisguised horror "—and I thought it would be nice if he had someone to eat with." She gestured toward the table. "Everyone, this is Leonard. Leonard, meet everyone."

Leonard looked toward Penny. "Hi," he said.

"Hi," she said, staring at him.

"Hi," both Bernadette and Amy said, then glanced at each other.

"Oh, hi," Leonard said, turning to look at them for the first time.

"Hi," Katie said, getting into the spirit of everyone saying "hi."

"Hi," Leonard repeated. He was starting to feel self-conscious. "Um… Oh. So it _is_ okay, then, if I sit with you?"

"Please," both Penny and Bernadette said, indicating the empty chair between them.

As Leonard pulled out the chair and sat down, Penny looked at Katie. _What's going on? What did you do_? she mouthed soundlessly. Katie just gave an elaborate shrug.

The waiter appeared to take their orders. Ironically, he turned to Leonard first. "I already ordered at the bar," Leonard said. The waiter nodded and turned to Bernadette.

"I'll try the stew shrimp," Bernadette said.

"Sides?" the waiter asked.

"What's bammy?" Bernadette asked, pointing to it on the menu.

"It's a flatbread," the waiter explained. "You could think of it like a roll."

"Hmm," she muttered. "Okay, what's 'festival'?" She pointed to another item.

"Festival is a sweet fried dumpling," the waiter said. "You could think of it like a donut without a hole."

"Okay, let's try that," Bernadette nodded. The waiter turned to Amy.

"I have a question," Amy said. "What does it mean when it says 'oxtails'?"

The waiter looked at her curiously. "It means, the tails of oxen," he said. He put his arm behind his back and waved it, like an ox swishing its tail.

"Really?" Amy thought for a moment. "Well, color me intrigued. I'll try that, with some fried dumplings, please."

When it was Katie's turn to order she didn't hesitate. "Jerk pork," she said. "With rice and plantain on the side. Can't go wrong with pig," she muttered to Penny, who was still staring at the menu now that it was her turn to order.

"Well, it all just looks so good," she said, smiling up at the waiter. She looked at Leonard. "What did you order?"

"Uh—" Listening to the women ordering had almost made Leonard forget his own meal. "Um, it was jerk chicken," he said at last. "With rice and plantain."

"I'll have that, too," Penny said, closing her menu and handing it to the waiter, who left.

Everyone looked at Leonard.

Looking around, Leonard saw he was the center of attention at a table of four beautiful women. Not something that happened to him every day, he told himself. "So," he said, with forced bravado. "I—I know it's a bit unusual to invite a stranger to eat with you—though _technically_, since I've already introduced myself you might not consider me a stranger anymore. Although it _is_ true that I don't know who any of you are, yet. Oh," he corrected himself. "I know one of you is named Katie. So I do know one of you, at least by name, though that's the only thing I do know about any of you." Leonard felt like he was sweating bullets, even in the air conditioned coolness of the restaurant. "Anyway, perhaps you should tell me your names—that way we won't be strangers anymore." He shut up, half expecting them to tell him to go away, that they'd changed their minds about inviting him to their table.

"It's nice to meet you, Leonard," Katie said. "I'm Katie, the one you met a few minutes ago. The lady on your left is Bernadette." Leonard turned toward her.

"Bernadette Rostenkowski," she added, holding out her hand for Leonard to shake. "I work for a pharmaceutical company in Los Angeles."

"Nice to meet you," Leonard said. Bernadette smiled brightly at him.

"Next to her is Amy," Katie said.

"Amy Farrah Fowler," Amy said, reaching over to shake Leonard's hand, too. "It is a pleasure to meet you as well," she said. "Although I am not entirely sure of Katie's motivations in having you join us. It was my understanding this was to be a girls' night out."

Bernadette looked at her. "Oh, it doesn't have to be," she said. "We can bend the rules a little, can't we?"

"Can we?" Amy still didn't seem clear on that point. "So this is just a _mostly_ girls' night out, then? It must be that, because we're already down to 80 percent girls already."

"Ignore her, Leonard," Bernadette said to him. "We haven't gotten her nearly drunk enough, yet." Katie and Penny laughed at that.

"O-okay," Leonard said, then turned to the woman on his right. "So this is…?"

"Penny," she said, putting out her hand, which Leonard gingerly took. "Nice to meet you, Leonard," she said, smiling.

"Likewise," Leonard nodded, his hand still slowly shaking hers. That went on for several seconds until Penny put her other hand on theirs and brought them to a halt. She took her hand from Leonard's. "I'll need that back for eating," she said with an easy laugh.

"Of course, I'm sorry," Leonard said, embarrassed. He put his hands in his lap, hiding them.

"So, Leonard, what are you doing here in Jamaica?" Bernadette asked him.

"I'm part of a joint research team doing hydrodynamic simulations of black holes," Leonard said, finally having an answer to a question he didn't feel self-conscious about.

"Really?" Bernadette leaned closer. "I think I read about that, there was an article in _Scientific American_ a few months ago. But I thought they did those simulations up in the North Sea?"

"They did," Leonard nodded. "But that was the initial phase of the project. In this phase we added control data collection, which is what I'm doing. Not very exciting, but it will make the North Sea data more statistically relevant."

Bernadette was looking at him more intently now. "You're Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, aren't you? I remember your name from that article I read!"

"Yes," Leonard nodded, both proud and embarrassed to be recognized.

"Hold on a second," Katie said, surprised. "You mean you're famous?"

"Well, I wouldn't say _famous_, exactly—" Leonard hedged, not wanting to seem stuck up.

"Yeah, he's pretty famous," Bernadette grinned. "Just not like _you_ are," she added, waving toward Penny and Katie.

"Wait—what?" Leonard looked around, trying to figure out who Bernadette referred to.

"Well—" Katie glanced at Penny, who gave the barest shake of her head. "Bernadette's trying to put me on the spot," she went on, covering for Penny, who apparently didn't want this guy to know who she was. "I've done a few films, nothing really big so far."

"Well, that's great," Leonard said, surprised to find himself sitting at a table with an honest-to-goodness movie star. He looked at Bernadette. "So, how do you two happen to know one another?"

"What do you mean?" Bernadette asked.

"Well, it's just that I wouldn't expect a movie star and someone from a pharmaceutical company to be on vacation together," Leonard explained.

Bernadette's expression turned stony. "Well, why not? Don't you think I could have known her before she became a star?"

Leonard hadn't expected that kind of reaction. "Sorry, sorry. I just didn't know."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't go off making half-baked assumptions like that," Bernadette snapped at him.

"Bernadette and Katie met through me," Penny spoke up suddenly. Leonard turned to her. So did Bernadette, Amy and Katie. Was Penny going to explain who she really was now?

Penny stared at Leonard a second. "Um, Bernadette and I worked together at the Cheesecake Factory in Pasadena before she got her doctorate in microbiology," she explained. "And Katie and I knew one another back in Nebraska, before Katie came to California and got into the movies. We all still hang out together these days."

"I see…" Leonard said. Actually, he really _didn't_ see, not at all. He looked at Amy. "What kind of work do you do, Amy? Are you a movie star, too?"

"Right now I'm working at Caltech in the Behavioral Biology Department," Amy said. "I'm doing behavioral neuroscience research on Capuchin monkeys."

"Really?" Leonard was surprised to hear that. "I work at Caltech, too, in the Applied Physics department—I'm an experimental physicist there. I don't think I've ever seen you there before."

"It _is_ a big university," Amy said. "However, I don't eat in the cafeteria. I used to go down to the basement and eat with the janitor, but his wife found me there one day and called me a _puta_. Since then I've stayed in the lab to eat."

Leonard smiled. "Well, if you ever come to the cafeteria perhaps we can have lunch sometime. My colleagues and I would enjoy talking to you about your research."  
"Please, Dr. Hofstadter," Amy demurred. "You're smothering me."

"Umm, sorry," Leonard apologized, confused by that response. He turned to the only person whose job he didn't know. "So, what type of work do you do, Penny?"

"Me?" Penny jerked a thumb at Katie. "Well, I'm sort of Katie's 'Girl Friday'—I run errands for her, stuff like that. Nothing really exciting, you know, but hey, it's a job."

"Oh, I see," Leonard said, missing the knowing smiles on Bernadette and Amy's faces. Penny wasn't telling this guy anything about herself—which wasn't that unexpected, given that she'd come here to relax and unwind. The last thing she needed was some guy fawning all over Penelope, one of the hottest and most successful actresses in Hollywood these days. How he had not already recognized her was anybody's guess.

"Yeah," Katie added, playing along with Penny. "I just don't know what I'd do without Penny along to take care of me," she told Leonard. "She's really a workhorse—makes me coffee in the morning, does all my shopping and handles all the things that have to be done around the house. She's pretty indispensable."

Penny looked at her, "Gee thanks, Boss," she said, trying not to sound sarcastic. "So can I have a raise?"

"Maybe next year," Katie said airily, enjoying herself.

Their meals arrived, as well as Leonard's jerk chicken, brought to the table by Martha, along with a full glass of Atherton iced tea which Martha had refilled for him. She set his plate down in front of him. "Glad to see you've found some friends to have dinner with, Leonard," she said, smiling happily. "Enjoy."

"Um, thanks," Leonard said, watching her go back behind the bar. He had a feeling that his past month of cultivating her friendship had suddenly taken a left turn. Unconsciously, he sighed with a tinge of regret.

The girls were watching her leave, too, as well as Leonard's reaction to their exchange. "Do you know her?" Bernadette asked him.

"Well, I—um, have dinner here pretty often," Leonard said. "Martha and I would sometimes chat while I was eating."

"Is she your girlfriend?" Amy asked.

"Um, not really," Leonard said, uncomfortable with the bluntness of that question but a little relieved he could say no to it. He glanced at Penny, wondering what she was thinking about his admission that he didn't have a girlfriend.

"Do you _have_ a girlfriend?" Katie asked, being equally blunt.

"Not—not at the present," Leonard said, looking at her, though part of his attention was still on Penny.

"No one back home waiting for you?" Katie pressed. Leonard shook his head, wondering how many times they were going to ask that question.

"That's too bad," Bernadette said, smiling at him. "You're a cutie. I'm surprised some girl hasn't snapped you up already."

"No, no," Leonard agreed. "No snaps on me yet."

Silence settled for a while as everyone began to eat. Leonard dug into his jerk chicken, wondering what Penny and the others thought about their meals.

"This isn't bad chicken," Penny said, as if she'd read his mind. She looked at him. "I'm glad I tried it." Leonard smiled at her and she went back to eating.

"How's the oxtail?" Bernadette teasingly asked Amy, who looked like she was having some trouble figuring out how to eat her meal.

"Not quite what I expected," Amy admitted. She finally cut a piece of oxtail and put it in her mouth. "It's a bit fatty," she said, chewing.

"It kind of reminds me of tube steak," Bernadette said, looking at her plate.

Amy looked at her. "A lot of things remind you of tube steak, Bernadette."

Bernadette just smiled wickedly. "Maybe," she said, glancing toward Leonard, who looked down at his plate, embarrassed by the double entendre.

"So what do you do at Caltech, Leonard?" Katie asked him, interested. She had never met a real, live scientist before.

"I mostly work in photonics applications to quantum mechanics," Leonard replied. "I've also worked on dark matter research, and I've done a bit of high-energy laser research."

"Sounds pretty high-techie-techie," Penny remarked.

"It sounds really interesting," Bernadette said, leaning closer to him. "What type of high-energy laser research were you doing?"

"Oh, um, whether or not high-powered lasers could be used to knock down incoming ballistic missiles," Leonard explained.

"Really? Can they?" Bernadette asked.

"No, not at all," Leonard said firmly, shaking his head.

"And how is your current work progressing?" Amy asked, still chewing on a piece of oxtail.

"Well, I'm only a month into the assignment," Leonard said. "It's supposed to last until the end of August."

"So you're going to be here a while," Katie mused, glancing at Penny. "Interesting."

When dinner was over talk turned to where they could go next. "I still vote on going out clubbing," Bernadette said. She glanced toward Leonard. "Maybe you'd like to come along with us. I bet you know some really hot spots we can go to."

"Well, there are a few places we could try," Leonard said, pondering a few possibilities. Actually, he'd never actually _gone_ to any of the night clubs in Montego Bay, but he'd listened to the conversations of other people, here at the restaurant and at his resort, as they discussed their options.

Most of the places he'd heard about seemed pretty wild and crazy, almost like raves, but there were a couple of milder clubs. He knew one wasn't that far away…

"I know one that'll be perfect," he said.

"Good," Katie beamed. She picked up the dinner check. "Let me just—"

"I'll take care of that," Leonard said, taking it from her. "My treat tonight, since you invited me to eat with you."

"That's nice of you, Leonard, but really, it's no problem—"

"I insist," Leonard said, holding the dinner check where she couldn't grab it.

"Well," Katie shrugged. "Far be it from me to disagree with you. Thanks, Leonard. "As for getting to the club, I'll—" she suddenly remembered what Penny's role in the group was supposed to be "—have Penny call for our car service to come drive us there."

Penny turned to stare at her disbelievingly. "What?" Katie raised an eyebrow at her."Aw, did you forget the number, sweetie? Here, you can use my phone, the number's in the contact list."

"Thanks," Penny snapped, taking the phone. Katie _always_ called for car service! She had no idea what to do or say—

"My SUV is outside," Leonard suggested. "There should be enough room for all of us." _Plus, I'll have a way to get back to the hotel if they dump me_, he added silently to himself.

"Great," Penny said, handing Katie her phone back. "Let's go!"

"Hold on," Leonard said, digging in his pocket a moment. He handed Penny the keys. "Why don't you unlock my car so everyone can get inside. I want to leave the bartender a tip before I go."

"Okay," Penny took the keys and followed the others outside. This "Girl Friday" thing wasn't as much fun as she'd expected it to be when she'd used it to cover her real identity, she thought.

After Penny was gone Leonard went over to the bar where Martha was refilling bowls of nuts for customers to munch on while drinking. "Listen," he asked her. "You know that nightclub around here you told me about, the one that's not too wild?"

"You mean Margaritaville?" Martha asked. "Just on the other side of the roundabout, off Coconut Drive?"

"That's the one!" Leonard smiled. "I remember where it's at now! Thanks, Martha!" He dropped ten dollars on the bar for her and started for the door.

"Have fun with your dates," Martha called after him, thinking that whatever kool-aid those girls were giving him, the guy was sure drinking it up. She expected he'd be back tomorrow, heartbroken and feeling sorry for himself, and she would offer him consolation and perhaps even hint that perhaps _she_ would go out with him. After all, a girl had to eat, and she might as well let some rich American pay for it.


	3. The Nightclub

.

**Chapter Three**

**The Nightclub**

_Updated 2/10/15_

-=o=-

**A/N: What I'm trying to do with this story is present an alternative version of SRAM's story **_**The Tropical Paradise Theory**_** with Leonard, Penny, etc. as in-character as they would be if Penny had never moved into 2311 N. Los Robles Apartments, got her big break around the time the canon TV show started, and became a movie star in the seven years since that time. **

-=o=-

Club Margaritaville wasn't very far from the restaurant. Named for the Jimmy Buffet song, it was supposed to be a "family friendly" bar and club; in practice, while it wasn't as wild as some night spots in Montego Bay could be, it still brought in its shares of the younger crowd, especially those who liked "classic" as well as contemporary rock.

Leonard and the girls arrived around eight p.m.—a little before things got into full swing but with the dance floor still throbbing with activity. Strobe lights were flashing and there was a steady beat playing as people on the dance floor swayed and twisted to the music. They found a table large enough for the group right next to the dance floor and sat down.

"Not bad," Katie commented as they looked around the place. She could already see several guys glancing their way, checking them out and sizing them up as potential dance partners, along with whatever might come after that. It didn't seem to matter that they were already sitting with Leonard; maybe they thought he was with one of them and the rest of the group were free to dance with whomever they pleased.

A server came by and took their drink orders. The drinks arrived a few minutes later, and right after that, guys started coming over and asking them to dance. The first few were turned away, wanting to enjoy a drink together to loosen up and scope the place out a bit before they got out on the dance floor.

Leonard was sitting between Penny and Bernadette again, and he watched silently as all four women turned down invitations to dance—Penny was asked three times and in each case she begged off, suggesting the guys come back later, after she'd finished her drink. Drinks started showing up at their table, courtesy of guys who were trying to get themselves noticed and maybe make an impression with one or more of the girls.

"I think we could drink for free all night if we wanted to" Bernadette said, as a second drink arrived for her and she waved at the table that had sent it over.

"As long as you are prepared to pay the requisite dance toll," Amy pointed out.

"Amy, you don't have to dance with someone who buys you a drink," Bernadette told her.

"Wait—you said that was the rule when those five guys bought me drinks in New York City last year," Amy said, accusingly. "I danced with all five of them!"

"I know," Bernadette smiled wickedly. "I wanted to see if you'd really do it."

"That _was_ pretty funny," Penny chuckled, and Katie agreed, smiling.

"You tricked Amy into dancing with five guys?" Leonard said, surprised that they would go that far for a joke.

"Well, it wasn't like she wasn't enjoying the attention," Bernadette said to him. "How about you, Leonard? Can you dance?"

"Um, no," Leonard said, looking down and holding onto his glass of water as if that would anchor him to the table, hoping desperately that no one would ask him to dance. Okay, maybe if _Penny_ asked him to dance—he glanced toward her, but she still hadn't finished her drink, and the rule apparently was, no dancing until after their first drinks were gone—

"Oh, come on," Bernadette said, taking his hand and pulling him to his feet. "You brought us here, the least you could do is dance with us."

"Um, but—" _Your drink's only half-empty_! Leonard wanted to protest, but before he could say anything the diminutive blonde had led him onto the dance floor. A rock song from the 90's was playing, and everyone on the floor was performing dance moves Leonard had never seen before. Bernadette began moving to the beat as well. Leonard watched her, frozen with uncertainty and apprehension, until she stopped and smiled at him.

"Come on, Leonard, give it a try," she cajoled him. "You remember this one?" She struck a pose and began moving her right arm, her index finger pointing up, then down, in rhythm with the beat, her left hand on her hip. "Just do what I'm doing," she suggested.

Leonard took a deep breath and began to mirror her motions, thrusting his left arm in the air and at the floor. The move wasn't hard to do, and a memory finally formed in his head. "This is from that John Travolta movie, isn't it?" he asked.

"Right!" she beamed. "Saturday Night Fever," she added, reminded him. "It's kind of 70's but it's not hard. Here's an easy one." Her right hand stayed in the air, shaking with the beat of the music. Leonard copied it. "You're doing great!" Bernadette encouraged him.

Leonard smiled, pleased Bernadette wasn't laughing at him. "This is kind of fun," he said to her. He put a little attitude into his motion, trying to give her a look that suggested he was a lot cooler than he felt at the moment. "Yeah, I got it," he said, switching arms so they were both doing the same move.

"Wow, look at him go." Back at the table, Amy was watching the pair dancing together. "What do you think?" she asked Penny, who was nursing her drink a lot more slowly than Amy or Katie, both of whom had finished theirs.

"Not bad," Penny muttered. She had planned to—did she even know what she would have done if Bernadette hadn't dragged the guy onto the dance floor? She glanced at Katie, who was watching her closely. "What?" she said, trying to look like she didn't know what Katie was thinking.

"Nothing," Katie shrugged and smiled innocently at her best friend. "It's just that you snooze, you lose."

"Oh, please," Penny scoffed. "Who said I wanted to dance with him?"

"Nobody," Katie agreed. "But you have turned down three guys already, and that drink you're nursing hasn't gotten any emptier for the last ten minutes."

"I'm not very thirsty."

"You? Not thirsty?" Katie grinned knowingly. "Pull the other one, girl."

Penny shrugged and waved dismissively. But she kept an eye on Leonard and Bernadette out on the dance floor. The DJ had put on another rock song and Bernadette was showing Leonard how to do the Air Guitar. Leonard caught on quickly and was air rocking pretty hard. He looked like he was really enjoying himself…

Leonard suddenly grabbed his nose and headed their way, with Bernadette following him. "Are you all right?" she asked anxiously as they reached the table. There was blood flowing from his nose. Had he seriously just gotten a nose bleed from dancing to rock music, Penny wondered.

"It's okay, I'm okay," Leonard said, holding his nose as he sat down, tipping his head back so blood wouldn't get on his shirt and shorts.

"Leonard, I'm so, so sorry, Bernadette was saying, grabbing napkins for Leonard to use to staunch the flow of blood. She dabbed at a few drops of blood that had gotten on his shirt, grabbing a piece of ice and rubbing the spots get them off the fabric. Leonard shuddered involuntarily—both from the ice and from Bernadette's touch on his chest.

"It's no big deal," Leonard said as she tried to remove the blood from his shirt. "Sometimes moving around like that gives me a nosebleed." He tilted his head to watch what she was doing, causing a rivulet of blood to run down his cheek. "Oops," he said, leaning back to stop it.

One of the guys who'd sent a drink over to Bernadette walked up, looking at Leonard. "You okay, dude?" he asked, solicitously. Leonard nodded, keeping his head back.

"He's fine," Bernadette said curtly. "Thanks for asking." She shot the guy a warning look, wanting him to go away while she administered to Leonard, but the guy turned to Amy.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked her, holding out a hand.

"Me?" Amy looked surprised to be asked. "Um, sure," she said, standing and handing her purse to Katie, who gave her a discrete thumbs-up as the guy led her onto the dance floor and they began moving to the music.

In short order two other guys approached, one asking Katie to dance and the other going for Penny. Katie handed Bernadette her purse and stepped out onto the dance floor with the guy.

"Um," Penny said, not really wanting to dance right now as she was watching Bernadette tend to Leonard, but the guy had asked her before, and she had just drained the last of her drink. "Okay," she nodded, letting the guy lead her out onto the floor.

"I think that's got it for now," Bernadette said, dropping the bloodstained napkins on the table as Leonard tentatively checked his nose. The bleeding had stopped.

"Thank you, Leonard said gratefully. At first he thought he'd have to go to the men's room, but he found being fussed over by a beautiful blonde made up for the embarrassment he'd felt at getting a nosebleed. "I think it's okay now."

"Good," Bernadette said. The experience had been a bit unnerving but she found playing nursemaid to a well-known experimental physicist to be, weirdly, a bit of a turn-on. "I'm glad you're doing better."

Leonard nodded. He grabbed a couple of napkins from the dispenser and dipped them into his glass of water, rubbing at the last of the dried blood on his face. "I hate it when that happens," he muttered, trying to be cool about it and feeling like he was failing miserably.

"You did very well dancing," Bernadette told him, "Maybe next time don't get into it quite so much."

"Not sure if there's going to be a next time," Leonard said, tossing the wet napkin onto the pile Bernadette had created. He wasn't eager to look like a fool again.

"Oh, come on," Bernadette coaxed him. "You were doing great!"

"Thanks, but…" Leonard sniffed and glanced around the table. The other three girls were out on the dance floor now, including Penny. Maybe, if he went back out there, he could see if she was having a good time or not.

Hopefully NOT, he thought to himself. "Well, I'll try not to get too carried away this time," he said to her.

"Great," Bernadette beamed at him. She discretely set her, Katie and Amy's purses on a chair and pushed it against the table so they wouldn't be seen, then held out her hand, letting him take the initiative this time. Leonard took her hand and stood, moving with her out to the dance floor as the current song ended.

Leonard's breath caught as a slow song began played. _That was incredibly bad timing on my part_, he thought as Bernadette smiled and moved toward him, holding her hands out for him to take and begin dancing close to her.

Leonard smiled nervously and took her hands, hoping he could keep Little Leonard under control as they danced. If she realized he was aroused by her closeness, the wonderful scent of her hair and her perfume, he would probably sink right into the ground.

But it wasn't that hard, he found (after he finished smiling at the unintentional pun), keeping everything under control more or less out on the dance floor with Bernadette. "This is nice," she said a minute or so into the slow song. "It's been a while since I've slow-danced with someone where I could actually look them in the eye rather than their chest," she joked.

"Yeah," Leonard agreed, grinning. "When I was on expedition in the North Sea last year they had a few late night parties—actually, pretty much every night, now that I think about it—and most of the women I danced with were taller than me."

"Did you have a good time doing that?" Bernadette asked. "I can't imagine being on a boat in the North Sea was much fun at all."

"It was okay," Leonard allowed. "I had fun—at least when I wasn't seasick, which was most of the time."

"Oh, poor baby," Bernadette sympathized. "I'm glad you got an easier assignment this time," she smiled at him.

"I am, too," Leonard smiled back, beginning to enjoy the closeness of dancing with her.

A few yards away, Penny was dancing with her partner, who was trying to figure out how many more drinks she would need until she agreed to leave with him. "Have you been here long?" he was asking her as they swayed back and forth to the song's easy rhythm.

"Huh? Oh no, first night here," Penny said, keeping one eye on the activity between Leonard and Bernadette. She stifled a fake yawn. "It's been a long day," she sighed through her hand, trying to head off any moves the guy might be planning to make on her.

"How long are you going to be here?" the guy asked, but Penny wasn't listening. Leonard and Bernadette were laughing and talking softly as they danced, and she was trying to hear what they were saying. She began to subtly guide her partner toward them, hoping the guy would ask to cut in on Bernadette and she could dance with Leonard for a bit.

"Earth to Penny," the guy dancing with her said. Penny glanced at him, startled.

"I'm sorry—what?" she looked at him blankly.

"I asked, how long are you going to be here?" the guy repeated.

"A month or so," she said, distracted as they moved in Leonard and Bernadette's direction. "I'm just here to unwind a bit."

"I know the feeling," the guy murmured, planning to be the one she unwound with. "So what do you say we go have another drink—"

"Oh _hey_, Bernadette!" Penny suddenly called out as they drew alongside her and Leonard. "Are you two having a good time?"

"The best," Bernadette said, smiling happily. Leonard looked a lot better, too—the nosebleed incident hadn't slowed him down at all, she saw.

"Guys," Penny said, nodding to her dance partner. "This is—um…"

"Joe," the guy said, starting to wonder about his chances with this Penny gal. She did not seem to be into him at all. "How's it going tonight?" he said to them (mostly to Bernadette). "Having fun yet?"

"Sure!" Bernadette said. "How about you two?"

"Oh, sure," Penny answered quickly. "But not as much fun as you two, it looks like—Bernadette here can really dance," she said to Joe.

"Oh, really?" Joe said, smiling at this new blonde.

There was a look in Joe's eyes that Leonard knew well—he'd just become invisible again. "Do you mind if I cut in?" Joe asked, addressing Bernadette, not him.

"Um, I don't know—"

"Okay, great!" Penny said, letting go of Joe and stepping between Bernadette and Leonard. Bernadette suddenly found herself in Joe's arms as Penny and Leonard moved away.

"Thanks a lot, Penny!" she called out, not hiding her aggravation, as she stared into Joe's sternum.

"So," Penny said, trying to decide what she should say to Leonard now that she was dancing with him. She glanced around the nightclub. "Thanks for bringing us here, by the way. This is a pretty nice place, even if it's right out of the seventies."

"Yeah," Leonard said, following Penny's eyes. "I've heard it was a nice place to come to."

Penny's eyebrows went up. "Haven't you ever been in here before?"

"No," Leonard admitted. "I did go to my resort's Friday night fish fries," he said, a bit defensive. "They had some pretty awesome bingo parties afterwards."

"I see," Penny said, smiling. "Well, this is very nice."

Leonard shrugged. "If you don't count the guys hitting on you all the time." He nodded toward Bernadette and Joe a few yards away. "I don't think Bernadette wanted to dance with that guy," he guessed.

"Well, I didn't, either," Penny said. "So that makes us even."

"So why were you dancing with him?" Leonard asked, curious.

"Well, he'd already asked me twice," Penny shrugged. "Everybody else was dancing. And you were dancing with Bernadette..."

"Oh, so you wanted to dance with _me_?" Leonard smiled, flattered by that.

"Well, sure," Penny said. "You were kind enough to drive us here, and you're a very nice guy…"

"Oh," Leonard said, slumping a little.

"What's wrong?"

Leonard shrugged. "It's just the way you said that—I'm a very nice guy. You know what they say about nice guys—they finish last."

"Oh?" Penny stopped dancing. "Are you saying that dancing with _me_ is like finishing last?" She was giving him a stony look.

"Um." Leonard was taken aback by this sudden shift in Penny's demeanor. "I'm going to go with, 'No'…"

"Are you saying that Bernadette's more interesting than _me_?" Penny went on, looking even more upset.

"Umm—well, you're _both_ interesting," Leonard said, trying to extract himself from this argument. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was get in a fight with this woman. "You know, in your own way."

"And what way is _that_?" Penny demanded. "Because Bernadette's got a Ph. D. I'm just a mo—just somebody's Girl Friday?"

"I didn't say that!" Leonard protested, wondering why their conversation had gone sour so suddenly.

The slow song ended and Penny let go of Leonard's hands. "I'm tired," she said. "Let's go back to the table." Without waiting for him she turned around and walked away. Leonard followed, trying to sort out what had just happened.

Amy was sitting at the table when Penny and Leonard got there. Penny plopped down in her seat, a sour expression on her face. "Did you have a nice dance?" Amy asked. Penny gave her a baleful look but didn't reply. When Leonard sat down beside her grabbed her purse and stood up.

"I'm going to the bathroom," she announced curtly, then stalked off before Amy could say anything. Leonard watched her go, confusion fluttering around in his brain, then turned back to his drink, looking miserable.

"So, Dr. Hofstadter," Amy said to him. "How are your experiments coming along these days?" Leonard looked up slowly at her, wondering why she was asking him that now, but she had a serious expression on her face, as if she was expecting an answer.

"So far the data is within normal parameter range," Leonard said. "There haven't been any indications of unusual—"

"Are you thinking of sleepnig with Penny?" Amy suddenly asked. Leonard swallowed the rest of his statement, staring at her in surprise. Her expression hadn't change, as if she'd just asked him another question about his work.

"What?" Leonard croaked. Then, "No, not at all." He stared at her, both curious about why she asked and afraid to inquire why. "But—why do you ask?"

"I've been observing the two of you since you joined our group, back in the restaurant," Amy explained. "There have been indications from both of you of sexual arousal—your eyes dilate when you look at her, and you tend to unconsciously touch the front of your shorts, as you're doing now."

Leonard took his hand away from his shorts. "That could just be the alcohol," he objected.

"You haven't had any alcohol since we've arrived here," Amy pointed out. "In addition, Penny's response indicates a heightened interest toward you—her eyes have become dilated as well, and there is a noticeable flush in her cheeks and chest, indicating sexual arousal." Amy got a faraway look on her face. "I just wish I could drop a few electrodes into her brain, to get a more detailed reading."

"Wait a minute," Leonard said. While he was quite happy to hear Penny was sexually interested in him, it sounded too good to be true. "What if she's just reacting to some of the guys in here? She was just dancing with some big, handsome guy a few minutes ago. What if her—you know, her , um, response, was to him?"

"I suppose that's possible," Amy conceded. Leonard slumped a bit; he hadn't really wanted to hear that. "But you have been the most proximal cause of her responses. Unless," Amy shook her head, letting her straight brown hair swirl around her momentarily. "Penny happens to be responding to the women around her. In which case her response to you is only a cover."

Leonard blinked, trying to process that. "I don't think she's gay," he said, hoping desperately he was right. "What would make you think she's—"

"Ixnay," Amy muttered _sotto voce_. "Her girlfriend's coming over…"

Leonard looked; Katie was returning to the table, alone. "Hi," she said to the two of them. "Whatcha talking about?"

"Just some shop talk," Amy replied. Leonard shrugged and smiled, like he was agreeing with Amy. "Where's Penny and Bernadette?"

"Penny went to the bathroom," Amy said. "Bernadette is still out on the dance floor." They could see her out there, though she was no longer dancing with Joe. "She's been going through dance partners like cheap pantsuits," Amy commented.

"What happened to your dance partner?" Katie asked her.

"As it turned out," Amy answered. "He was plying me with drinks in an effort to sleep with me."  
"_No_," Katie said, feigning shock. "Really?"

"Yes," Amy nodded, either not catching or ignoring Katie's sarcasm. "Nothing surprising, of course—I have been hit on enough times by now to recognize the warning signs. When he pressed me on an answer, I told him what my mother wrote to me when she signed my yearbook: 'Dear Amy, self-respect and a hymen are better than friends and fun. Love, Mom.'"

"I bet that really put him in his place," Leonard couldn't help interjecting. Was this woman really still a virgin?

"He was not pleased," Amy admitted. "He said something about having to go to the bathroom and left."

"I wonder why?" Katie commented, with an eye-roll toward Leonard, who smiled.

Bernadette returned to the table then, also alone. She sat down next to Leonard. "Well, _that_ was fun," she said, in a tone that made it obvious it wasn't. "How was your dance with Penny?" she asked him.

Boy, there were sure a lot of uncomfortable questions being asked, Leonard thought. "It was good," he replied. "We had a nice time." _Except for that last part where she got mad at me and walked away_, he didn't add.

"I'm glad," Bernadette said in snarky tone. "It turns out Joe wanted to leave with her, but thought I might be a better prospect once he realized she didn't even remember his name."

"Well, to be fair, Penny rarely remembers the names of guys she meets," Amy commented. "She told me once she dated a guy named T.J. for six months without ever asking what the initials T.J. stood for—what?"

Bernadette was frowning and shaking her head at Amy. "You don't need to say something like that," she told Amy, making a subtle gesture toward Leonard. "People don't need to know Penny's personal business."

Amy considered this. "Sorry, Leonard," she said to him. "I'm sure Penny not knowing what T.J.'s full name was had nothing to do with the amount of casual sex she was having with him. Happy now?" she added to Bernadette, who just sighed and looked irritated.

"Maybe I better go check on Penny," Katie said, standing. "She's been in the bathroom quite a while." She looked around the table. "Don't either of you two talk about me while I'm gone," she jokingly admonished them. "_You_ can talk about me all you want," she added to Leonard, and went to find the facilities.

There were a couple of girls primping in front of the mirrors. Katie stepped in front of a mirror and checked her makeup, waiting for the two to leave. After they were gone, she began looking under the stalls until she found Penny's black heels in one. "Everything okay in there?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Penny answered. "Why aren't you out there with your date, dancing?"

"Well, for one thing," Katie retorted. "He's not my date, he's just someone I was dancing with. Can you say the same about Leonard?"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"I saw how you were looking at him," Katie pointed out.

"Did you see how _Bernadette_ was looking at him?"

"I saw that, too," Katie said. "I don't know if he's her type, though."

The toilet flushed and the door swung open. Penny had a look of disbelief on her face. "What do you mean? They're both scientists!"

"So?" Katie shrugged.

"So, they've got a lot more in common than he and I do," Penny snapped. "And he seems kind of… I dunno, _passive_ to me, I guess."

"Maybe," Katie conceded. "But I think he's been pushing himself quite a bit today. I mean, he came over to us in the restaurant—to meet _you_, by the way. He drove us here, even though he's been in town a month and never went out to a nightclub before tonight."

"I suppose," Penny said, going to the mirror to check herself. Katie joined her. "But Bernadette's got a thing for him, too. She's been asking him questions about his work and stuff. Me, I can barely _spell_ 'scientist' much less have an intelligent conversation with one. Even Amy and Bernadette go off on conversations sometimes and I have no idea what they're talking about."

"Well, you're not dating either of them," Katie joked. "Unless, of course, you want to explore Amy's homoerotic urges toward you…"

"Not really," Penny muttered, touching up her lip gloss. She snapped her purse closed. "I don't know," she said. "I guess we'll see what happens."

"Okay," Katie agreed. "But if you want to pursue things with this guy, don't let Bernadette get her hooks too far in him or he'll fall for her and you'll be left out in the cold."

Penny chuckled. "Oh, I think I could just whistle and he'd come running. I mean, who wouldn't want to date _me_?"

Katie grinned sardonically. "You mean date Penelope, the famous movie star, or Penny, the Girl Friday for a less well-known but equally beautiful and talented actress named Katie?"

Penny looked at her. "Well, _either_ of me," she said. "We're both delightful."

"Right," Katie scoffed. "Ready for another drink?"

"I dunno," Penny shrugged. "Let's see how Amy and Bernadette feel." They left the bathroom. Back at the table, Amy was staring off into space, thinking about one of her projects back at the university, and Bernadette was still ticked off by Joe's attitude toward her, so they were ready to leave. They all got into Leonard's SUV and drove back to their suite.

"Do you want to come in for a bit?" Katie asked him as they climbed out of his vehicle. "We can make you something to drink if you're still thirsty?"

"Thanks," Leonard said. "But I ought to get back and get some sleep. I have to get up to take my daily readings, so…" He trailed off, realizing he was turning down an offer to enter a place containing four beautiful women. "Well, you know, duty calls."

"Come and visit us anytime," Bernadette said brightly, her mood having improved greatly on the drive home. "We always like having cute guys visit us!"

Penny rolled her eyes without letting Bernadette see. Aloud, she said, "Sure, come by anytime, Leonard."

"Thanks," Leonard said, smiling at her. And at Bernadette too, Penny noticed. "I—I will." He started his SUV and started to pull away, but stopped.

"In fact," he said, "I know something we can do tomorrow afternoon that I think you'll all enjoy." He grinned at them, imaging how much fun they could have.

"Oh, what is it?" Bernadette immediately asked.

"You'll see," Leonard said mysteriously. "Just be sure and get plenty of rest tonight. Oh, and you'll need bathing suits, by the way."

"Hmm, that sounds very interesting," Katie said, in a suggestive tone.

"Oh, it…_will_ be," Leonard replied, in his best Captain Kirk voice. "See you tomorrow," he said, normally, then drove away slowly, waving at them as he left the resort driveway. Wow, he'd actually survived an evening out with four women! At the same time, even!

"Interesting evening," Katie commented, to no one in particular, as they walked into the suite.

"He _was_ interesting," Bernadette agreed.

"What was that voice he used at the end there?" Penny asked. "It sounded familiar, kinda."

"Oh, he was imitating Captain Kirk, from Star Trek," Bernadette explained. "Leonard's a big fan of Start Trek. That's kind of interesting, I think," she added, almost to herself.

"I thought he was a little stuffy," Amy said. Bernadette smacked her lightly on the arm.

"Oh, shush," Bernadette said. "What do you know? You think _Johnny Depp's_ a little stuffy."

"Well, that fake pirate accent gets boring after a while," Amy complained as she and Bernadette walked inside the suite behind Amy and Penny.


End file.
